So I went grocery shopping.  The place I go to, and like because I know where everything is, is changing from a Comisso's to Price Choppers.  Ew.

When I was younger Comisso's was Food Terminal, then Comisso's.  It was recently bought by Sobey's which are all over Nova Scotia (very familiar to me).  All of a sudden these wonderful new products where available and I was in love.  Now my store is being ripped apart and not being turned into an actual Sobey's, but rather a low grade Price Choppers.

Fitting seeing it's across the street from my welfare WalMart. 

When I lived in TO there was a Price Choppers I would go to out of pure necessity (the beer store was right besided it) and it was gross.  It smelled like horses' ass and was filthy.  They don't even put things out, they cut the top of the boxes off and it's a free for all.  Not happy.

What is with TiVo?  Do we not have the equivalent of that here?  If not then I want it, everyone talks about it all the time and I'm just a follower - and the US just has way better stuff.

I'm off to watch Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire for the 100th time!

What a special day! Ethan got his first tooth!  I can feel it just coming through his gum and surprisingly there were no tears, no drooling and no sore bum (a few of the side effects apparently).

Other than that, it's been freezing out lately.  I've been wearing three layers of clothing for the last three days. 

My boss called me today to say the girl replacing me got another job and is leaving, would I come back part-time.  I'm torn.  I want to go back, I want the interaction, I want the challenges, I want the break from laundry and diapers...on the other hand I don't want to leave him and why give up a year off when I have the rest of my life to work.  Everyone said it would be hard to go back, but it's really hard to think of leaving him for half a day.  My sister is going to watch him when I go back, so I know he's in good hands.  I just don't know what to do.

Amazing Race started last night again.  I love that show.  I don't like the pink girls or the old people - how the Hell can you walk past the box five times and expect to get fan support.  I like the dating people and I like the geeks.  The hippies are interesting but have the potential to get really annoying.  I'm sure my opinion will change as time goes on and people get mean, and stupid.  Last time they came to NOTL but I wasn't allowed to say anything, like it mattered.  The only show better is Lost which better be on tonight.

Gotta go, baby cries....

I can't put any more pictures on because it says I've exceeded my storage.  What storage, where?  I'll empty it... this stupid site makes me feel stupid.  Stupid.

Lately I've been freaking out because I'm home all day.  I feel stuck sometimes.  It's too cold to go for a walk, it's too expensive to drive all day, and if I go shopping I spend money on stuff I really don't need. 

Speaking of shopping, I do a lot of it at WalMart.  Say what you want I like it there.  There are two of them here and the one by me is the welfare one.  I swear.  It has to be the neighbourhood it's in, right behind it is a subsidized apartment building.  The one the little boy was shot in the back through the floor.  Nice. 

Any ways, in the baby section there are always soothers missing out of the packages etc. that make me think some welfare mom came and took them out to use and not pay for.  Now, I'm not a good person for saying that.  She obviously needs soothers, but if you are so hard up that you have to steal things like that, maybe you shouldn't have had a baby.

Babies are expensive, food, diapers etc. it all adds up.  You get money from the Gov. but if you make a half decent living they give you the bare minimum and then take off more depending on how much you make.  Use it to buy baby things, not your bling bling stuff so you can look like a bottle blonde gangster!

Sheesh.

I can't stand football.  I watch it, but that doesn't mean I enjoy it.  Not even a lick.  As for today, I was hoping there would be something else on, like some great movies or something but all I found was a Yes, Dear marathon on TBS - do people watch that?

I also tried to put the game on from Seattle and Buffalo so I could get the American commercials, the new ones that are paying a bazillion dollars to try and get people to eat Pizza Hut and drink Pepsi (there's a plug, now pay me).  No luck.  They both switch over to Global when a commercial comes on and half the commercials are for Global - a new logo that looks like a giant red >.  More advertising, pay me again.

Grey's Anatomy better not be a repeat, I tried watching it at 7pm from Halifax but it was CSI when I turned it on, stupid satellite, someone is playing tricks up there.

I'm leaving, I have to check out Chessthecat and Bombz.  Did these boys put some juicy updates on??

OK things have changed here on this blog thingy.  Hmmm...more buttons for me.  It says I can add an image.  Does this mean that my days of feeling completely silly for not knowing how are over?  Lemme see.

I ERASED IT!!!!!

Did it work?  That's my little man if it did.

Once again it’s been a looooong time since I’ve updated anything.  My little man will be four whole months on the 15^th, boy does time fly.

 

Christmas is around the corner and I have to say, if you’re of the festive nature and like to decorate your house with lights – DO NOT buy the new white LED lights if you want the cozy, cute look of Christmas.  They are the most hideous shade of BLUE and probably are blinding the average passerby who is drawn to our national lampoon of a house.  I bought these thinking I was doing a good thing by saving electricity, what I didn’t know is that my neighbours are now probably thinking to scrap the Merry Christmas card and replace ours with a Happy Hanukkah one.

 

Not only are these ‘white’ lights not white, they aren’t even all the same shade.  They look absolutely terrible and I’ve thrown out the boxes they came in or they’d be going back to die in a Canadian Tire warehouse somewhere.  Don’t be fooled by the commercials that show happy people admiring their lights outside, these lights are pure trash and shouldn’t even be used to decorate a dumpster.

 

That’s all I have to say about that.

 

Two weeks ago I went back to work, part-time (afternoons), just for a week while my co-workers were at various courses etc.  It was like I never left.  I literally walked in the door, hung my coat up and answered the phone.  I was expecting the person on the other end to be like ‘who is this’, what I got was ‘OMG you’re back!’.  Yikes.  It was nice to be back for a few hours a day and it wasn’t that bad leaving my little man with my sister.

 

The second day I was there my boss was asking me to review a winery, big project.  The third day he asked me to slow down on issuing permits and the fourth day he asked if I would consider coming back full time in January.  Apparently the girl replacing me sucks and they want to let her go.  There is no way I’m going back full time.  I would consider going back part-time, half days in the spring when we get busy, but not full time.  I’m just glad they miss me and now see how much I really do for them there.

 

Other than that, my life is pretty dull.  My days are filled with changing diapers, Ellen, and Bringing Home Baby.  Maybe a trip to a mall or Home Depot so we can walk, have a nap, scream in someone else’s ear… you know just the usual.  So much fun. 

OK so I jinxed it.  My little man slept through the night and the past two nights he's been up every 2hrs.  I'm exhausted and ready to put him out with the trash.

Where the 'H' is Chessthecat??  It's not pointless to a stay at home Mom who needs a little entertainment once in a while.  Meh.

Happy Halloween people.  I'm not a huge fan of this 'holiday'.  I'm not a big fan of chocolate so the thought of knocking on strangers doors to get some doesn't do much for me.  As a kid I used to trade my chocolate with my sister for chips.  Plain potatoe chips.  My sister made is seem like a big deal that she was giving up her big bag of chips for a little chocolate bar so most of the time I had to give two.  What a brat she was!

My little man slept through the night last night.  Went to bed at 10pm and woke up at 7am!!  That's impressive.  I got up twice to check on him, just to be sure he was OK.  This morning my boobs where going to burst, but I was very well rested.

He has a pumpkin costume I got him at Target.  So cute!!  I tried again to post a picture, how hard can it be???  Ugh.

I've started doing some work at home.  I actually jumped at the chance, I miss it and I want to be crystal clear that I am coming back, so don't get used to me being gone.  I won't get paid for the work until I get back.  It'll screw up unemployment, plus I have 5 weeks of vacation when I get back that I can add to if I want.  Nice.

I should go, it's time for a walk!!

Last night I couldn’t sleep.  It’s been four years since Greg Snell died (October 25, 2001).  Greg was a guy that I was living with in T.O.  Last night and really all of yesterday I realized that I’m still sad about it all.  I know that’s natural, but the reason I’m sad isn’t because I miss him.  Don’t get me wrong I wish he was still alive. 

 

But I’m sad because I think about how I can remember ever detail of that horrible night and I can’t remember things that happened last week.  I’m sad because I think of what his family must be going through.  Now that I have a son I couldn’t imagine life without him.  I’m sad because I still feel like there’s something I could have done.  I’m sad because looking back the signs were there and I didn’t do anything.  I’m sad because people go through life being so irritated or upset with people and they say bad things.  You wouldn’t do that if you knew it was the last time you’d see them or talk to them.  I’m sad because I realize he really didn’t treat me well and I stuck it out, I didn’t deserve that.  I’m sad because I realize that my life would be entirely different if that one night didn’t happen.  I’m sad because my life is probably better now and I feel guilty about thinking that.  I’m sad because there isn’t enough help for people who survived a suicide and it’s not an easy thing to talk about.  I’m sad because people probably think what did I do that was so bad to him to make him do that.  I’m sad because everyone thinks Greg had mental problems, which he must have, but he was so much more than that and people don’t see that anymore.  I’m sad because I think of how sad he must have been.

 

It’s so easy to understand the moment a tragedy happens to hold the things and people you love most tight and not let go.  It’s when it’s been awhile that we drift back into our old habits of being quick to judge or lose our temper.  It’s not easy to live each day like it’s our last, you forget.  That’s sad.

 

Looking back, you realize that the little things were the good things.  The little things that make people who they are can also drive us nuts but if in a heartbeat it was gone, you’d be sad too and you’d be praying to have them back. 

 

I can’t say to everyone and get the message across that we need to get over a lot of the things we’re angry about and hanging onto, it’s hard to do.  But if for one second you thought about that person not being alive anymore you may think differently.  You may tell them you’re upset with them but you still love them.  You may forgive them to free up the energy you’re wasting on resenting them.  When two people fight or argue or disagree there is a good chance the both of you will get over it and patch things up.  But you can let it drag out for 2 months or you can swallow some pride and finish it in 2 days and get back to loving each other and enjoying each other.

 

When someone leaves us you don’t remember the issues you had, you remember how much it hurts that they’re gone.  I want to believe Greg is in a better place and I want to believe that he’s found peace and that his pain is gone, even if that means passing it on to the people who loved him.